Are You “Too Needy?”

Are you “Too Needy?” What does this title even imply and is it correct?

“You’re too needy.” 

“You count on an excessive amount of.”

“Your expectations are too excessive.”

“Why are you performing like that?”

“You’re overreacting!”

If in case you have ever dated, most probably you could have been informed at one level immediately (or have been given an oblique message) that you’re being “too needy.” Though our society predominately attaches this label extra towards girls than males, I feel all of us (no matter gender) can change into overly cautious and insecure about our associate perceiving us as “too needy.”

In concern of being labeled “too needy” or “too emotional” we change into insecure about any of our wants and we suppress them to keep away from these labels in any respect prices. We subconsciously over compensate within the reverse manner, denying most of our wants, in an try and undertaking an “simple going” persona in all eventualities. Sound acquainted?

Sadly, as a direct causation, we lose our voice. This widespread dillema is complicated and might trigger a variety of turmoil for you and/or your relationship.

Initially, beginning a relationship is difficult; it’s new and also you don’t wish to dive proper in head first, coronary heart open. Some warning to the wind and holding again will be useful in creating longterm security and consistency. Nonetheless, the problem turns into actual when the suppression of wants and emotions, and avoidance of expressing your authenticity is the norm, (particularly after the preliminary honeymoon stage is over). Quick ahead by means of time and experiences collectively as couple, and also you my buddies, have an even bigger drawback than being perceived as “too needy.”

You might not even notice that regardless that you aren’t arguing, that your relationship remains to be not wholesome and/or safe. For those who’ve gone this route to guard your self and to keep away from “beginning drama,” you could not have the ability to absolutely perceive one another or know learn how to relate to at least one one other on a deep stage, as a result of you could have constructed your relationship on partial truths and un-reassured insecurities. (How will we repair this?)

I used to be launched to an electro band referred to as Chromeo in highschool. It was totally different than most genres on the time they usually nearly have an 80s flare to them. I’ll always remember the primary time I heard their music titled “Needy Woman.”

Its lyrics embody:

“You’re a needy lady, I can inform once I look in your huge brown eyes.
You need my world, however how can I do yours if i can’t do mine?
I attempt to change however one way or the other I all the time really feel I don’t really feel the identical.
It’s all about what you need, what you say, how you are feeling, the way you play the sport.

In fact I dance to it, nonetheless to this present day, however being a therapist has undoubtedly tainted a variety of musical lyrics for me! I learn into them greater than my highschool self did and I’ve the tendency to psychoanalyze most lyrical tales. I now assume to myself, “Wow, there’s lots to this catchy music.”

In a nutshell, my skilled opinion with reference to being “too needy,” is that this:

If you end up feeling uncomfortable with asking for what you want in your relationship, then you could be fighting this insecurity. This concern is limiting you from being heard and understood by your associate; it’s denying you the flexibility to really feel reassured in your partnership.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO FEEL SECURE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP, and imagine it or not, we’ve to work collectively as a way to obtain mutual safety! YOU’RE NOT “TOO NEEDY” BECAUSE YOU WANT THIS! 

Right here is the tough half, as a result of it requires you to look within the mirror. Despite the fact that you aren’t “too needy” for wanting safety, you’re liable for the way you specific your self! Your habits and/or expression (or lack of expression) could also be what’s “too needy” or “passive aggressive.” Make sense?

You need to take a danger and be susceptible in these requests, verses what we normally do and decide petty arguments about issues to snag consideration. We now have to be clear and de-escalated. There’s a HUGE distinction between, “I could also be performing irrational, however I really want some reassurance that you just love me proper now. I’m feeling insecure about that girl out of your work,” vs “WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME? WHY DID YOU ALWAYS TALK ABOUT THAT WOMAN FROM WORK?! I DON’T GET WHY YOU LIKE HER SO MUCH!” (Adopted by passive aggressive sighs and countless textual content messages).

Your associate will thanks and you can be shocked how totally different your associate hears, receives and responds to you for those who take accountability for the way you ask for what you want. This model of requesting your wants should not “too needy;” they’re regular and wholesome. Battle is regular and wholesome, insecurities are regular and wholesome. We’re human. Suppressing them, or not directly expressing them should not wholesome.

You’ll all the time be perceived as “too needy” or an excessive amount of for those who select to not specific your fears and desires in a relaxed, susceptible manner.

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